I woke up one night with a terrible fright
I knew the Lord was coming soon
but what the hell was he doing in my room?
He said with a mighty crash and a lightning flash,
"Son, you're among the chosen few
and boy, have I got a deal for you"

CHORUS:
And now I, I got a calling from the Lord
Yeah, I, I got a calling from the Lord
Yeah, I, I got a calling from the Lord
He said, "Son, you're just the one I'm lookin' for"

He was kind of fat in his cowboy hat
He spoke with a drunken slur
I knew I should believe him but I wasn't sure
He said, "There's quite a demand for this little scam of selling guilt and sin.
I've got a good thing going here and I'll cut you in"

CHORUS

He said, "My gift to you is a world of fools
who like to follow guys like you"
(x2)

An opportunity, a growth industry
You can lead the true believers if you follow me
(x3)

CHORUS (x3)